Nick Ayers Was Supposed to Be Trump's Next Chief of Staff, But Instead, He Went to Australia to Defile Ayers Rock (Uluru)

Nick Ayers is 36, and he’s Mike Pence’s Chief of Staff.


In July 2017, Donald Trump brought retired Marine Corps Gen. John Kelly into his White House as his Chief of Staff. Kelly has discipline (something Trump totally lacks) but he’s not a politician. Trump has been wanting to get rid of Kelly for months now and had been grooming Ayers for the job.


When he ran Tim Pawlenty’s short-lived presidential campaign in 2012, Ayers was best known for getting that campaign very deeply in debt — something that Pawlenty had made very clear to Ayers that that should never happen.


Getting an organization into deep debt would be very unpalatable to the Tea Party.


(Of course, Trump’s doing a really great job of getting the US into even deeper debt — but under President Clinton, we had a surplus, before W lied to us and got us into the disastrous invasion of Iraq, fighting a war that we couldn’t pay for.)


Everybody in Trump’s White House was sure that Ayers would be succeeding Kelly, but today it became very clear that he would not; instead, he’s going to work for America First Action, Trump’s SuperPAC (


Most of TrumpWorld thinks that Ayers is in Washington, with America First Action, but only a few moments ago, associate solitary reporter Casey Longtree, our Australian associate solitary reporter, confronted Ayers on top of Ayers Rock (Uluru) in the remote Australian outback.


"Gday Mate,” Longtree began, “what th’ devil are you doin’ here?”


“Casey,” Ayers replied, “you and I both know that Donald Trump has to be his own Chief of Staff. When I demanded total freedom to hire and fire, he called the Secret Service and had me thrown bodily out of the White House.”


“But I have a much better job now with America First Action, since, truth be told, nobody wants to be his Chief of Staff because he’s rendered the last two — Priebus and Kelly — into dead meat. Kelly didn’t even get to announce his own dismissal; but John’s gonna have a much happier new year.”


“So you see, Casey, that, with all my many responsibilities, I needed a day or two off. I’ve always wanted to climb to the top of Ayers Rock, which, you know, is named after me.”


“I know that the Pitjantjatjara aboriginals consider my Rock — or Uluru, as they insist it be called — to be sacred, and that only they should stand atop my Rock — but you know, Casey, I’m a White Nationalist at heart, so I wanted to come here today to show them what a strong guy I am.”


“I’ll be taking over America First Action before the end of the year.”


“Casey, I’m so glad we got to meet. Tell your boss, the solitary reporter, that Donald Trump will win all 50 states in 2020."