Chinese Scientist Won't Inoculate Trump

Donald Trump’s trade war with China keeps getting him (and us!) in trouble.


Chinese scientist He Jiankui claims, without proof, that he has created the world’s first genetically modified babies (


He claims that Lulu and Nana, two girls born in China, will, as a result of his lab work, not carry the HIV virus, which causes AIDS; but his claim is being met by widespread internaitonal skepticism.


Though Trump never ever listens to NPR, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones told him about He’s claim. This got Trump very excited, and though he doesn’t like it that Jones is near him 24/7, he asked her to contact He, so ASR Jones immediately got in touch with our East Asia correspondent, Ko Il-sun.


ASR Ko teleported himself to He’s lab at the Southern University of Science and Technology in Shenzhen; and though the University has disavowed He’s claims, Ko told him that Trump wants He to inoculate him to protect him from impeachment in the House and conviction in the Senate.


“Mr. Ko,” He said, “I am the most brilliant geneticist in the world, but there is no way I can perform such an impossibility."


After ASR Ko told ASR Jones of He’s decision, Trump tweeted that he will impose even more sanctions against Chinese President for LIfe Xi Jinping.


This caused yet another steep drop on Wall Street, much to the chagrin of NYSE CEO Sydney Williams.