Always opposed to any sort of global cooperation unless it benefits him personally, Donald Trump spoke to the United Nations General Assembly yesterday, being, all the while, scrupulously careful to avoid Iran’s president, Hassan Rouhani (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/25/world/americas/un-general-assembly-trump.html?emc=edit_th_180926&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=644229580926).
But, as well chronicled by the Times' Mark Landler (a frequent guest on PBS’ Washington Week in Review), the assemblage of world leaders broke into laughter as Trump said, “In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country”).
That’s when our newly minted associate solitary reporter (ASR), Bob Morris, a longtime New Yorker, got to work.
“We here in the land of the free and the home of the brave don’t believe in any sort of international cooperation at all unless it benefits me personally,” Trump said, as redacted by ASR Morris.
Not only that, but ASR Morris just texted us to let us know that Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and Tiffany Trump have formed a brand-new limited liability partnership, within The Trump Organization, which has just purchased the UN and its Manhattan campus outright, as Barron Trump, urged on by Melania (temporarily away from their residence in the White House), applauded from his suite in Trump Tower.
Tiffany Trump, 24 and a law student at Georgetown University Law School (not associated with Georgetown Prep) will some day, very soon, supplant former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, as well as Rudy Giuliani and Jay Sekulow, as one of her father’s very numerous personal attorneys, since her father suffers from classic paranoid schizophrenic personality disorder (he trusts only his close family members), obsessive compulsive disorder, and classic narcissistic personality disorder, as well as chronic political incompetence disorder (soon to be recognized in the DSM-6, the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is published from time to time by the American Psychiatric Association).
With respect to Donald Trump Sr., the next DSM-6 will rely primarily on Bob Woodward’s newest book, Fear: Trump in the White House.
"There’s no reason for the UN,” Tiffany told Morris, as premier Trump biographer Michael D’Antonio, author of Never Enough: Donald Trump and the Pursuit of Success, watched. “We’ve bought it, we own it, and tomorrow, we’re gonna raze it to the ground so we can build another hotel and casino.”
UN Secretary General Antonio Manuel de Oliveira Guterres called an immediate emergency meeting of the Security Council, urging the Council “at all costs” to join The Resistance. But Russia’s UN Ambassador, Василий Алексеевич Небензя (Vasily Alekseevich Negenzya) vetoed the resolution without even consulting Vladimir Putin, because he didn’t have to, for once.
Diehard paleocons led by Federalist Society Exec VP Leonard Leo — the man who nearly singlehandedly thrust Brett Kavanaugh into the hot seat tomorrow — praised Tiffany for her brilliance. Leo immediately began recruiting Tiffany to be a federal district judge, and, after that, a federal appeals court judge like Donald Trump Senior’s sister, Maryanne Trump Barry, and, eventually — you guessed it — ‘cause Kavanaugh’s goin’ down, as we previously reported on September 22 (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2018/09/22/why-kavanaugh-s-going-down/). See also https://www.politico.com/story/2018/09/26/kavanaugh-confirmation-starr-vince-foster-842530, about Kavanaugh’s alleged mishandling of grand jury secrets while working for Independent Counsel Ken Starr during the Bill Clinton investigation.