Meet the New QB for the Denver Broncos

DOVE VALLEY, COLORADO — Moments ago, here at the Denver Broncos Training Camp south of Denver, the Broncos’ General Manager, John Elway, who is Caucasian, and Head Coach Vance Joseph, who is African American, made a startling announcement, witnessed only by your solitary reporter and associate solitary reporter William Upton.


“As a very beloved former Broncos’ quarterback,” Elway began, “having won two Superbowls, I know true quality and true patriotism when I see them.”


Knowing what Elway was about to say, Coach Joseph nodded eagerly and immediately gave Elway a fist bump.


“I have always totally valued Nike products,” Elway continued, “so when I saw that Nike has put First Amendment Champion Colin Kaepernick front and center in their ad campaign, I made a really good decision for Denver, for Colorado, and especially for Denver’s glorious Broncos.”


“Colin is our starting quarterback!”


“Remember, everybody, I’m the one who took a risk with Peyton “Omaha” Manning after he had been laid off for a year with the Indiana Colts, with complications from neck surgery — but after I brought him here, he won Super Bowl 50 for us. So, was I right then, or was I right then?”


The bi-racial Kaepernick, somewhat surprised, gave Elway and Joseph several fist bumps and remained standing throughout the announcement.


Then Case Keenum, who had been selected to be the Broncos’ starting quarterback, took a knee in protest.


All this immediately prompted Donald Trump to send out his angriest tweet yet, using language we choose not to print in this newspaper. Essentially, he said Elway showed his true colors of being the most politically correct NFL general manager in modern memory.


And back in Washington, Judge Brett Kavanaugh prepared for the second day of his confirmation hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee. “This is great,” he told associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman. “All I have to do is sit back and watch other people fight it all out over me. I’m having the time of my life."