As Trump Crows About Numbers and Trade, Cohen Trades for His Freedom

What does Narcissist-in-Chief Donald Trump care about?


His own satisfaction.


And how does he accomplish that?


He takes his pleasure with women other than his wife whenever he wants, as in Access Hollywood; ask Billy Bush.


To what extent does he care about numbers?


Our Liar-in-Chief cares about whether he is pleasing his base. That’s why he insists on holding Trumpistic rallies virtually every week — because he craves the adulation that he gets only from his rallies.


To do that, he goes to rallies where he gets his base all excited, and he tells them lots of lies, and they applaud, say things like “Lock Her Up,” and then he feels better about himself, and then he goes to Mar-a-Lago or Bedminister. Every once in a while, he goes to work in his Oval Office.


In 2016, he campaigned on the false premise that America has been under assault, with respect to trade practices, for many years, by other countries.


Cf. China and the European Union.


He cheered the Brexiteers, who have managed to ruin the economy of the UK; and now he claims that he he a “Deal” with the EU; but the Devil was invented by God to bother mankind with details.


How many lawyers has he employed?


Hard question to answer, because he’s the most litigious person ever to sit in the Oval Office — an office that comes with nukes.


Michael Cohen used to be one of his lawyers — his Fixer-in-Chief — and Cohen was such a good fixer that he paid hush money to Stormy Daniels, and he negotiated a deal with 1997 Playboy model Karen McDougal and Trump’s close personal friend, David Pecker (OMG, what a name!). 


Pecker is the publisher of The National Enquirer — a smut paper that concentrates on smut.


McDougal says she had a multi-month affair with Trump — though we here at AP, including associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones and associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, have been scratching our collective heads for years now as to why any woman would want to do that.


And McDougal told the Enquirer about her affair with Trump, but, again, Trump wanted to keep her quiet because he was running against Hillary Clinton — so Cohen got involved in that task as well.


Now it seems that Cohen surreptitiously recorded conversations he had with his only client about the hush money to keep McDougal quiet.


Juries like to listen to recordings, even if the sound quality isn’t good.


Cohen has a wife and a daughter, and he doesn’t want to go to

prison — and he’ll be disbarred pretty soon.


Our top investigator, associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, has spent a great deal of time interviewing Cohen, and today was no exception.


“Susanna,” Cohen began, “I’m really glad that the FBI grabbed all my tape recordings, because they contain hundreds of hours of my conversations with Trump.”


"Susanna, no way am I gonna go to prison.”


Sherman diligently noted everything that Cohen told her, and she texted that information to us immediately.