North Korea Insists That Somebody Else Pay for Kim Jong-un's Hotel in Singapore, But He'll Have to Stay in a Hastily Built Homeless Shelter

The rogue nation with lots of nukes is broke.


Ever since North Korea began its relentless saber-rattling, years ago, it has been under heavy international pressure to quit mucking around.


After Donald Trump swaggered his way into the White House, the sanctions imposed on the nuke-happy North Korean regime have tightened even further.


Even China, which has been propping up North Korea for many years, has tightened up the screws just a bit.


In theory, Trump and Kim Jong-un will meet somewhere — maybe even in Singapore — on June 12, a mere nine days from now.


You can be sure that if it does happen, Apocryphal Press will be covering the big big photo-op with a large contingent.


The on-again and off-again summit poses enormous logistical problems.


Not the least of which is, who’s going to pay for Kim Jong-un’s hotel?


As The Washington Post’s John Hudson tells us, the cash-strapped nation lacks the financial resources to get their dictator there, and US Treasury Department rules do not permit us to pay, so Trump’s Team is trying to find a discrete way to pay for Kim’s visit (


It’s even uncertain if North Korea has airplanes good enough to get Kim to the meeting.


But never fear: chief international correspondent and associate solitary reporter Larry Theis emerged, moments ago, from a top-secret meeting with Desmond Lee, the Minister of Singapore’s Ministry of Social and Family Development.


“You see, Larry,” Lee began, “Singapore is a first-world nation, with very strict rules, which were established under our founding father, Lee Kuan Yew.”


“Even minor offenses subjected people in Singapore to caning.”


“Because of our very strict rules here,” Lee continued, “and because of our very vibrant economy, we have never, unlike you in the United States, had anything even remotely resembling a homeless shelter.”


“But, now that Kim Jong-un is scheduled to be here on June 12, it has fallen to me to build one for Leader Kim.”


“Of course, Larry, we were hoping that Mr. Kim could stay at a Trump resort, but unfortunately, we don’t have one, and we hope we never will.”


When Kim’s de facto chief of staff, Kim Chang-son, learned that Desmond Lee is furiously building a homeless shelter for the North Koreans’ visit, he immediately canceled the summit.