Trump Will Take the Fifth During Mueller Interrog; Haspel Will Go Back to Torture Work; Denaturalization Proceedings Coming Soon For Chao

May 7, 2018


Former (2008) GOP presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani, a man with minimal legal skills and virtually no political common sense, has recently become Donald Trump’s Talker-in-Chief. In the process, he’s plunged Trump deeper and deeper into his swampy hole (


In doing so, the former Gotham mayor, who used to be a Democrat, has acquired much more visibility than Trump’s nominal press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.


Soon, the Supreme Court will issue an advisory opinion at the behest of Justice Neil Gorsuch. Associate solitary reporter Kirk Coleman spoke with Gorsuch yesterday, and Trump’s only nominee to the Supreme Court (so far) assured Coleman that, in view of the constitutional crisis which Trump has provoked, as soon as Special Counsel Robert Mueller III issues his subpoena to compel Trump to testify about all his very numerous misdeeds, the authority of the Special Counsel to issue a subpoena to Trump will be upheld.


But Giuliani will instruct his client (who considers himself to be the Lawyer-In-Chief, and who desperately wants to yell at a superbly calm Mueller) not to say a damn word, by invoking the Fifth Amendment (


Yesterday, Trump’s nominee to succeed Mike Pompeo at the CIA, Gina Haspel, told associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman that she “for sure” doesn’t want the job.


“I was much happier torturing America’s enemies in undisclosed locations,” she said (


In other news, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s wife, 趙小蘭 (Elaine Chao), has clearly violated ethical rules by appearing in a Chinese language video with her father, 趙錫成  (James Si-Cheng Chao), a Taiwanese shipping magnate, with the logo for the U.S. Department of Transportation in the background ( 


Elaine Chao was born in Taipei. Her parents fled China for Taiwan after Mao Zedong and friends were welcomed in Beijing in 1949. 趙小蘭 is Trump’s Secretary of Transportation. She was Bush Two’s Secretary of Labor.


Moments ago, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones spoke with Trump’s Secretary of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen. Nielsen told Jones that Elaine Chao’s breach of clear US government ethical rules will result in immediate denaturalization proceedings against her, which means she’ll have to return to the island fortress which 习近平 (Xi Jinping) has vowed to retake during his lifetime presidency. 


This is bad news for McConnell, as his wife is very pretty and very smart. When McConnell, who has never been popular in the Bluegrass State, ran for re-election in 2014 against Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes, Chao campaigned against Lundergan Grimes, especially on women's issues.


"When Trump's Homeland Security goons send Elaine back in Taiwan, I guess I’ll just have to go back to my old Kentucky home and fall drunk on my ass while guzzling the best Kentucky bourbon,” McConnell told associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith.


Huckabee Sanders, trying to get her mojo back after Giuliani made a fool of himself over the weekend, told the White House Press Corps that the reason the Kilauea Volcano erupted on Hawaii’s Big Island, destroying the homes of twenty-six good Democrats, was because President Barack Obama Jr. was born in Hawaii.