Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, accompanied by associate solitary reporter and chief international correspondent Lenny Thompson, have nearly superhuman abilities.
That’s why they were able to observe North Korea’s 김정은 (Kim III) in bed with Donald Trump last night.
This was actually very pleasing to the third Mrs. Trump, after it was widely reported that she looked good as her husband hosted French President Emanuel Macron at a State Dinner on Tuesday.
Donald Trump speaks no language other than the Trumpian language. Your solitary reporter is currently working on a comprehensive dictionary of Trumpian, if he can manage to get it past Trump’s Department of Homeland Security.
However, the third Mrs Trump speaks French, as does Thompson.
The present Mrs. Trump does not enjoy sharing a bed with her husband (who would?)
So Thompson, Jones, and Melania Trump were totally astonished when they quietly entered Donald Trump’s bedroom shortly after Donald Trump cast a lecherous eye at Madame Macron at the State Dinner; but Melania Trump averted her eyes whenever Président Macron, who is only 40, looked her way.
“Oh hi, Melania, I’m explaining to my close personal friend Kim Jong-un that he’s a very honorable man — which is what I said just the other day.”
“But Donnie,” Melania replied, “first of all, I didn’t know that you do tricks with fat Korean men.”
“Second of all, this is the same dude that you were yelling at only a short time ago, when you called him Little Rocket Man.”
“So what’s going on here?”
Kim III, who learned English as a schoolboy in Switzerland, understood everything.
“It’s perfectly fine, dear Mrs. Trump,” Kim said. “I’m just checking out your husband’s claim during his campaign in 2016 that everything in his groin area is perfectly fine, even though he has small hands.”
“But what the whole world knows already,” Kim continued, “is that his mind is really, really small.”
That’s when all hell broke loose. Secret Service Director Randolph “Tex” Alles just told Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Michele Nielsen, “Madame Secretary, effective immediately, I’m done with all this nonsense, and I’m headin' back to the Lone Star State, so I respectfully suggest that you get over here right away.”
“That’s assuming that you are fluent in Trumpian, and you better bring a few people who speak Korean.”
“Goodbye, and good luck!"