In a Sealed Indictment, Mueller Charges Putin; Tillerson Resigns

Yesterday, Special Counsel Robert Mueller III’s grand jury in our Nation’s Capital indicted thirteen Russian operatives who disrupted our 2016 presidential election.


Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, sensing that Mueller is saving the best for last, went to the top-secret storage room in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, where her colleague, associate solitary reporter Carter Chambers, a clerk in the Criminal Division of the Court, handed her the sealed indictment. Chambers made sure that nobody else was nearby.


Mueller’s secret indictment charges Russian dictator Vladimir Putin with having hatched a plan to take over the United States by the end of his dictatorship, through sophisticated hacking and undercover operations.


When Sherman told Donald Trump’s Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, the former Exxon Mobil CEO, he exploded in rage, and announced his resignation (without talking to his boss). “I’ve been working tirelessly,” Tillerson told Sherman, “to restore good relations with the Kremlin. Now Mueller’s dashed all my hopes. I’m done.”


After hearing this news, CIA Director and former Wichita Congressman Mike Pompeo salivated at the chance to succeed Tillerson, and so did UN Ambassador and former Palmetto State Gov. Nikki Haley, who is well known for being a hawk against Russia and Iran, which will endear her to the Republican establishment.