Trump's Plan to Repopulate Gitmo

For no less than eighty minutes last night, Donald Trump tried, most unsuccessfully, to look presidential. In doing so, he went out of his way to emphasize his determination to keep the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp open.


It now has only 41 detainees, down from a high of 772 under Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in 2002. President Obama made it a priority to close Gitmo with its torture chambers, but resistance from Congress thwarted that goal.


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith attended the gigantic photo-op last night. Smith is an all-star athlete, and as soon as Trump left the Speaker’s lectern, she vaulted over the Republican Members of Congress who were falling all over each other in adulation of the man they don't want to campaign with as they seek re-election in November, and teleported herself to the stage door so she could confront Trump as soon as he was off-camera.


“Sir,” she asked him, “it is much less expensive, and much speedier, for Gitmo prisoners to be tried in civilian courts inside the United States, and there are only 41 prisoners there now. What plans do you have for the future of Gitmo?”


Furious, Trump barked: “B___, didn’t you see all those Democrats in Congress — especially all those women wearing black for reasons I can’t possibly understand — sitting down when they shoulda been standing up and cheering whatever I said?”


“I’m gonna send every single one of ‘em to Gitmo, especially the women, along with the MS-13 gang that’s been terrorizing Long Island.”