Trump to Mattis: "Invade the DMZ, Then the Panama Canal"

The Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea is the most heavily fortified place on earth.


Never one to sit idly by and tweet, Donald Trump is once again determined to take center stage.


Trump is very concerned that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is trying to create a wedge between the United States and South Korea ahead of the Winter Olympics, which will begin on February 9 in Pyeongchang, South Korea. Kim Jong-un is in the process of setting up an almost-friendly meeting with South Korean President Moon Jae-in to discuss tensions on the Korean Peninsula.


Once again, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones is in the thick of the action. Early this morning, with Jones and associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun observing, Trump met with Secretary of Defense James Mattis in the Oval Office.


“Jim,” Trump began, “I’ve taken all I can by way of insults from fat boy Rocket Man. I want you to get on the phone right away with Admiral Harry Harris, the Commander of our Pacific Command, and send his crack paratroopers to the DMZ and take it over.”


“Beg pardon, Sir?”


“You heard me. I’m taking over the DMZ. That way, I will be a permanent wedge between North and South Korea.”




“And at the same time, Jim, get the US Southern Command to invade Panama. I’m taking back the Panama Canal from Panama.”




At great personal risk to herself, Jones called Barry Wolfman, the CEO of George Washington University Medical Center — since the GW Medical Center is the closest medical facility to the White House — and said, "Barry, you gotta send your strongest psych technicians here right away! Trump has gone completely wacko!”


And that’s where Trump is now, on a gurney, chained and manacled, in the psych ward at GW Med Center.


Wolfman texted Jones moments ago, saying that the 72-hour psychiatric hold on Trump will be extended indefinitely.