McConnell and Friends Receive New Nobel Prize for Hypocrisy

The Nobel Prize was established by wealthy Swedish dynamite manufacturer Alfred Nobel (1833-1896). Nobel became wealthy producing armaments for the Crimean War. Nobel was a pacifist, and he received much criticism during his lifetime for the inconsistency between his pacifist beliefs and his role as a manufacturer of weapons.


In 1888, Alfred Nobel’s brother Ludvig died, and several newspapers published obituaries of Alfred in error. One French newspaper published an obituary titled “The merchant of death is dead.” Alfred read the obituary and was appalled at the idea that he would be remembered in this way. He then decided to donate the majority of his wealth to found the Nobel Prize.


In these bizarre times, no one is better at ferreting out interesting and paradoxical facts as associate solitary reporter and Chief European correspondent Larry Theis.


Theis went to Stockholm to hold a lengthy interview with Stefan Swanson, the president of the Nobel Foundation. Swanson told Theis that he totally does not understand what has been going on in the United States since January 20 and before that. “Donald Trump seems to be the biggest hypocrite in the world,” Swanson said.


“You are absolutely right,” Theis said. “And because the Nobel Prize is so influential, I would respectfully suggest that you announce a new Nobel Prize for Hypocrisy. I  have several Republican politicians in mind to receive it.”


Swanson accepted Theis' suggestion, and, moments ago, he announced that all 51 Republican senators who voted for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017” should receive the new prize. “All 51 of those senators have been campaigning for years against increasing the federal deficit,” Swanson said, "especially since they have been wary for over eight years of the Tea Party. But, early this morning, they voted en masse, with the exception of Sen. Corker, to increase the US national debt by well over $1 trillion, while greatly benefiting the wealthy at the expense of poor people and the middle class."


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith asked McConnell whether he plans to attend the ceremony at which Swanson and Sara Danius, the Permanent Secretary of the Swedish Academy, will confer the new Nobel Prize for Hypocrisy.


"Not a chance,” McConnell said, “I’m too busy instructing the Republican members of the Conference Committee to keep intact the provision in our bill in the Senate that eliminates the Individual Mandate from the Affordable Care Act. I told Elaine that the one thing I need to do before I meet my Maker is to repeal Obamacare."