Trump Fires Tillerson, Names Mulvaney As Acting Secretary of State

In an extended interview conducted only a few minutes ago, Donald Trump told associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones how pleased he is with former South Carolina State Representative Mick Mulvaney.


Yesterday, federal Judge Timothy Kelly, newly appointed by Trump to the federal bench in Washington, ruled in Trump’s favor and denied Consumer Financial Protection Bureau Deputy Director Leandra English’s emergency petition to rule in her favor against Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney, Trump’s pick to be Acting Director of the CFPB (


“Johanna,” Trump began, “Some people like your boss, the solitary reporter, keep whining at great length about how I had no qualifications to sit here in my Oval Office.”


“But believe me, Johanna, I’m the only one in Washington who knows what to do.”


“My campaign against Hillary was always clean and aboveboard, and I really appreciate Putin’s help in getting me here. He won’t regret it.”


“I picked Mick Mulvaney to run OMB because I know how dedicated Mick is to destroying government.”


“He detests Elizabeth Warren’s CFPB even more than I do, which is why Mick was the perfect choice to be my Acting Director of the CFPB when Cordray suddenly resigned on Friday.”


“Also, I knew that when I nominated Tim Kelly for the federal bench, he would always rule in my favor, as he did yesterday.”


“As you know, Johanna, I insist on total loyalty, and there is no doubt in my mind that Mulvaney is a true Trump Loyalist. I  think I will endorse him to succeed me after I complete my third term.”


Jones took all this in without saying a word.


“I am really dissatisfied with Tillerson at State. Rex isn’t happy there either because whenever he says something stupid about foreign policy in my Administration, I immediately correct him on Twitter.” 


“That’s why I'm gonna tweet, in a few minutes, that Rex should go back to Exxon.” 


“And I’m gonna name Mulvaney as Acting Secretary of State.” 


Jones ventured a question. “Sir, does Mr. Mulvaney have any experience in foreign affairs?”


“Dammit, Johanna! Don’t you understand? In my Administration, the only qualification for any job for anyone lucky enough to be working for me, is to come in to the job as a total outsider.”


Jones thanked Trump for his time and called us to let us know what to expect.