Putin's Top Cop Grabs Kenyan Opposition Leader, Takes Him to Gulag

NAIROBI — On August 8, Kenya’s president, Uhuru Kenyatta, the son of that East African nation’s anti-colonialist leader Jomo Kenyatta, and a Kikuyu, was told that he had been re-elected.


But that didn’t make his opponent, Raila Odinga, a Luo (same Kenyan ethnicity as Barack Obama), happy.


Now, Kenya’s Supreme Court has annulled the results of the August 8 vote, and a new election is to be held within sixty days.


Knowing full well that our readers all over the world need instant information on all activities involving Russian president Vladimir Putin, associate solitary reporter Janice Montgomery, our East African correspondent, filed this report to us here at AP HQ.


“Putin’s apparatchiks have just grabbed Odinga,” she said. “And they’re taking him to the Magadan gulag, just north of Vladivostok.”


“Seems Putin can’t tolerate what his communications gurus heard this morning on NPR, about how somebody hacked into Kenya’s electoral system," Montgomery said



Associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky observed Vladimir Kolokoltsev, Putin’s top cop, explain to Montgomery, “President Putin always defends those who steal elections. That’s why I’m taking Odinga to Magadan."