Chao Rescues Priebus

Yesterday, we reported that in throwing former Wisconsin political operative Reince Priebus under the bus, Donald Trump had arranged a job for him as a janitor in the Embassy of El Salvador.


But, as reported by associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, Trump’s Secretary of Transportation, Elaine Chao, decided to be compassionate.


As Transporation Secretary (a post held under President Clinton by former Denver Mayor Federico Peña), Chao knows a thing or two about buses.


Chao is essentially the only member of Trump’s Cabinet who comes to the job with qualifications in government service, aside from Defense Secretary James Mattis and soon to be White House Chief of Staff General John Kelly. 


Chao served for eight years as Secretary of Labor under Bush Two, and before that she was Deputy Secretary of Transportation and Director of the Peace Corps under Bush One. Chao was the first Asian American woman and the first of Taiwanese ancestry to be appointed to a president’s Cabinet. She is married to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, the old fox in the Senate whose McConnellCare fell by the wayside "‘cause there warn’t hardly nothin’ in it" and because war hero John McCain and two other halfway sensible Republicans voted against it. (Given that her qualifications are well suited to running a big government agency, Chao is likely to be tapped to replace Kelly at DHS.)


Without consulting anyone in the White House (nobody’s in charge there ’til Kelly arrives, they're just a bunch of amateurs) Chao took pity on Priebus.


With Sherman observing, Chao called District of Columbia Mayor Muriel Bowser, even though Bowser is a Democrat.


“Madame Mayor,” Chao began, “do you have any police buses available on short notice? I need a bus to take Priebus back to Wisconsin if we can extricate hm from under the bus that that idiot Trump threw him under.”


“Yes, Madame Secretary. We charge $100 to rescue Democrats but we charge $1,000 to rescue Republicans since they are the ones who won’t give us Statehood.”


Next, Chao called Timothy Horne, the Acting Administrator of the General Services Administraiton, the agency which is charged with providing pencils, chairs, desks, and cars to the federal government. 


“Tim,” Chao began, “do you have any vans or buses or anthing like that that you can lend to me?”


“Yes, but I’d have to check the regulations on that first.” 


Her next call was to Defense Secretary James Mattis. “Jim, I may need a tank or two to bust open the Salvadoran Embassy. Can you help me out?”


“Yes Ma’m, that’s what we’re here for."


As Mattis’ tanks rumbled down 16th Street near DuPont Circle, El Salvador’s ambassador, Francisco Altschul, peered out the window and told Mattis and Chao, “Too late. Mr. Priebus was rescued last night by Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who took him in a helicopter to Paul Ryan’s secret office in the Capitol.”


Mattis and Chao decided that since Priebus was no longer under Trump’s bus, they had done all they could, so they went back to work, awaiting the next tweetstorm from the temporary occupant of the White House.