Trump Continues His Bromance With Putin; Sessions To Run For Governor of Louisiana

Donald Trump is always eager to prove that he is Vladimir Putin’s very best personal friend. That’s why yesterday we learned that Trump met for nearly an hour in a second, previously undisclosed G-20 meeting with Putin. With Trump and Putin were Putin’s translator. Nobody

else — no American translator, no Tillerson, no McMaster.


So now we have even more proof, way beyond a reasonable doubt, that Trump knows virtually nothing about foreign policy or foreign affairs (except for the affair he had with Melania from Slovenia while he was still married to Marla), and certainly the man is no diplomat — just an overglanded, testosterone-driven seventy-one year old braggart who cares only for himself.


Not only that, but now that we know that Sen. John McCain — one of the bravest ever of our pilots, during the Vietnam war — has a brain tumor, it’s necessary to remind ourselves what Trump said about Sen. McCain last year: that McCain was at fault for having been captured by the North Vietnamese.


Associate solitary reporter Johana Jones tells us that Trump is only thinking about his next game of golf at Bedminister, after berating Republican senators yesterday for not doing the job that Trump doesn’t really gave a holy piece of s__t about, namely, repealing and replacing the Affordable Care Act; all Trump really cares about is getting more tax breaks for rich s__heads like him and, incidentally, being able to claim a legislative victory, which he surely hasn’t achieved so far.


Jones also tells us that Trump’s Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, is about to resign after Trump openly blamed Sessions for recusing himself from the probe of Putin’s meddling in our elections.


Sessions told associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman he’s sorry he even took the job of Attorney General. Sessions immediately broke into song, so gaily that Sherman joined him: 


“Ah wish Ah wuz in Dixie, Hooray, Hooray! “

Ah'l live and die in Dixie.

Away, away, away down south in Dixie!

Away, away, away down south in Dixie!”


And, in the twinkling of an eye, Trump’s magic carpet picked up the Attorney General and, sho’ ‘nuff, carried the former senator from the Heart of Dixie State straight to Mobile. Still with him, Sherman burst into song, with Bob Dylan at her side:


"Oh, Mama, can this really be the end

To be stuck inside of Mobile with the

Memphis blues again?”


But Sessions, who is from Selma and Mobile, demurred, and lambasted Sherman and Dylan for mocking his Southern heritage and his political base.


The magic carpet dropped Sherman and Dylan off in Pascagoula, Mississippi, and then took Sessions to New Orleans’ Lower Ninth Ward. Sessions, a spry seventy year old, jumped off the carpet and announced that he’s running for governor of Louisiana so he can outdo Huey Long.