DEEP DOWN IN TRUMP’S BUNKER AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE — Moments after bald but burly GOP congressional victor in Montana Greg Gianforte (who has to show up in court on June 7 after body slamming a reporter two days ago) celebrated his win, Donald Trump, having just shown the world how macho he is in Brussels when he pushed aside Montenegro’s Prime Minister, Dusko Markovic, has re-hired Corey Lewandowski, the campaign manager whom he previously fired — yes, for sure, the selfsame Lewandowski who himself infamously assaulted reporter Michelle Fields during last year’s presidential campaign in Jupiter, Florida.
The incident with the prime minister of Montenegro really happened. So did the body slamming by the next Congressman from Montana. Ditto with Lewandowski. Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones is our source for the statement that Trump has re-hired Lewandowski.
“Gianforte is too valuable to our Organization to be piddling around in Congress,” Jones distinctly heard Trump say to Lewandowski in a private phone call from Europe. “Put him on your team. I always need a fresh supply of thugs.”
Meanwhile, DNC Chairman Tom Perez has hired Rob Quist, the cowboy poet-musician whom Gianforte just defeated, to re-write the lyrics of “Happy Days Are Here Again” and sing the revised version of the Democratic Party anthem so it can be played in the background of every TV ad extolling Jon Ossoff’s congressional candidacy in suburban Atlanta.
Our readers are invited to assist Quist in his re-write of the lyrics.