How Putin Finally Fessed Up

Sen. Richard Burr (R-North Carolina) is the Chairman of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and Sen. Mark Warner (D-Virginia) is the Ranking Member.


This, the Senate Intelligence Committee, is not to be confused with the House Intelligence Committee, whose Chairman, Congressman Devin Nunes (R-California) is not intelligent, although its Ranking Member, Congressman Adam Schiff (D-California), is one smart dude.


Earlier today, Senators Burr and Warner were only mildly surprised when Russian President Vladimir Putin, accompanied by his elite corps of expert hackers, entered the Committee’s hearing room, as associate solitary reporters Melissa Smith and Foma Kheroshonsky looked on.


Putin wasted little time, saying, in his opening statement, “Of course I did everything I could to make Donald Trump win the election.” 


“We are the ones who hacked into the computer systems of the Secretaries of State in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania on November 8, making sure that my nemesis, Hillary Clinton, came up short."


“We also successfully hacked into Emanuel Macron’s computers in France, to make sure that Marine Le Pen will win the election tomorrow.”


As soon as she could, ASR Smith, who covers Congress for us, called associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman at the Justice Department, where she reached FBI Director James Comey as he was trying to figure out how to prosecute Mrs. Clinton. “Oh, Susanna,” Comey said, “Thanks for  letting me know. Now I can rest assured that I was not the one who threw the election to Trump."