France’s Donald Trump, Marine Le Pen, claimed victory yesterday, even though she came in second to newbie politician Emmanuel Macron.
If she is elected president of France in 13 days, Le Pen wants to take France out of the European Union, forbid the hijab, and close its borders to Muslims.
Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump as he watched the election returns from Paris with his son-in-law, Jared Kushner.
“Who the hell is Emmanuel Macron? I wanted Le Pen to win outright, and she only came in second! Who the hell do the French voters think they are?” Trump yelled to Kushner.
“Dad,” Kushner replied, “Emmanuel Macron was an investment banker, so you shouldn’t dismiss him out of hand. Not only that, he founded En Marche!, a centrist political movement, only a year ago; and you founded The Donald!, the most spectacular political movement this country has ever seen. Before getting into politics, he had never been elected to anything, just like you. He used to be a Socialist, and you used to be a Democrat.”
“But Marine hates Muslims, and Macron says he doesn’t. He would keep letting them in to France, even after all those terrorist attacks in France that were done by Muslims."
“Dad, I have been reluctant to mention this to you before, but sometimes in politics it’s not always black and white, there are grays.”
For once, Trump was quiet and listened for 30 seconds, until the phone rang and Le Pen was on the phone, begging him to come to France and campaign for her.
Trump immediately accepted, as Le Pen prepared a gigantic hero’s welcome for him.