New Alabama Senator Is Chastised by McConnell

Democrats nationwide are salivating at the prospect of flipping Congressional District 6, a “ruby red” (in CNN terminology) suburban Atlanta seat formerly held by former House Speaker (perpetually overweight, always perpetually wrong, as well as being a serial monogamist and failed GOP presidential candidate) Newt Gingrich and, more recently, Donald Trump’s HHS Secretary, Dr. Tom Price. But we must also point out to our readers that Alabama’s brand-new governor, a good ol' gal named Kay Ivey, has set August 15 for the primary for a special election to fill the seat in the U.S. Senate previously held by Trump’s Attorney General and leading xenophobe, Jeff Sessions.


Before he resigned over a sex scandal, Alabama’s Republican governor, Robert Bentley, appointed Alabama’s Attorney General, Luther Strange, to Sessions’ seat.


Strange, who opposes gay rights, will have the advantage over whomever the Democrats nominate, if he wins in the August 15 primary.


The Daily Kos’ Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, who raised millions of dollars in support of 30-year-old Jon Ossoff as the leading Democrat to succeed former Congressman Price, is undoubtedly looking for a good liberal Democrat to run in the August 15 primary for the Sessions seat in Alabama. 


Our resident Alabama associate solitary reporter, Hubert Humphrey Lamar, is a lifelong resident of the Heart of Dixie State. Moments ago, Lamar tweeted that he will run in the August 15 primary. And Lamar texted us at the same time, saying that Strange plans to run in the primary as a Donald Trump surrogate. Speaking perfect ‘Bama Southern, Strange said “Ah support everythin' that Attorney General Sessions supports,” as he was interviewed by Robert Granfeldt, Jr., the Publisher of the state’s largest newspaper, The Montgomery Advertiser. "An’ Ah look forward to bein’ lavishly ennertained at the White House, bearin’ in mind, that that there White House woulda never a’ been built if it hadn't been for slave labor, which is exactly what God wanted. Don’ nobody recall how Abigail Adams pretended to be shocked when she and her fat husband John visited the White House while it was bein’ built, when she saw slaves puttin’ it together, and they were damn happy for the work, too? Abigail and John were the first presidential couple to live in the White House. And John got his butt whipped in 1800 by a valiant Virginia gentleman, Tom Jefferson, whose slave Sally Hemmings was pretty damn cute. Ever wonder why there ain’t no monument to John Adams in Washington? That’s easy! He never had any slaves!”


Strange told Lamar, “Ah’m a-gonna be right busy between now and August 15, ‘cause Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan need me big time in Georgia to help Karen Handel wipe Ossoff’s butt.”


McConnell texted Strange, saying “You damn fool! Stay in Alabama. Lamar is a helluva lot smarter than you are!"


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