THE KREMLIN – Having failed to achieve consensus among G-7 leaders in Lucca, Italy, over what to do about Syria, Donald Trump’s Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, is having considerable difficulty explaining Trump’s foreign policy to Trump's much admired friend, Vladimir Putin.
“We really don’t have a foreign policy,” Tillerson said, “we just wait for Mr. Trump’s tweets to guide us."
Associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky observed Tillerson as he was trying to explain to his Russian hosts that all that Trump intended to do last week by bombing a Russian-supported airfield in Syria was simply to ask the Syrians to quit gassing their own people. After several awkward pauses, help came from Dr. David Dao and United Airlines President Oscar Munoz. Dr. Dao iAres a Vietnamese-American physician who, on April 9, made the acquaintance of various police officers and airport personnel when he declined to give up his seat on a Louisville-bound United aircraft.
Dr. Dao and Munoz, the Mexican American president of United Airlines, delivered directly to Tillerson several cartons of Zyklon B, the cyanide-based pesticide which the Nazis used to gas at least one million Jews, disabled people, and Gypsies in their concentration camps during World War II.
Dr. Dao is a leading practitioner of Taoism, literally “way” (道), also romanized as Dao), so, during the presentation of the Zyklon B, he led the assembled group in an exquisite tai chi exercise which calmed everyone down for a few moments.
Wells Fargo paid United’s expenses associated with the delivery of the Zyklon B with a portion of the $75 million “clawback" which it received from its CEO, John Stumpf, and other esteemed Wells Fargo officials who made their stockbrokers happy by requiring several hundred Wells Fargo employees to open false accounts.
Munoz also brought White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s scalp to Tillerson, after Spicer helped world Jewry celebrate Passover by reminding them that Adolf Hitler never used chemical weapons during World War II.
Putin commended Tillerson for receiving the Zyklon B and offered to convey it personally to Chinese President Xi Jinpin so Xi can use it to remind North Korean dictator Kim Jongun that China is his close ally and best friend.
Associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun, who is based in Seoul, texted Xi to remind him that Trump informed him of the Syrian missile strike while the two world leaders (one of whom is chronically overweight) were enjoying a beautifully delicious chocolate cake at Mar-a-Lago.
Spicer’s scalp is on its way to Pyongyang so it can be appropriately placed in Kim’s North Korean Peace Museum in Panmunjeom.
Spicer will be replaced by Ann Coulter, the best-selling author of In Trump We Trust.