Who Stole Tom Brady's Team Jersey?

Seated in a luxury box at the Super Bowl on Sunday in Houston, Donald Trump’s Defender-in-Chief, Mike Pence, watched the Deflator-in-Chief, Tom Brady, lead the New England so-called Patriots to a come from behind victory over the Atlanta Falcons, 34-28. Brady left with his fifth Super Bowl ring and was named the game’s MVP.


Falcons quarterback Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan lost to Brady, probably because in the fourth quarter, he mistook the object which he was supposed to throw to wide receiver Mohamed Sanu for a football but it was, instead, the Maltese Falcon.


After celebrating his team’s victory with his teammates and his sourpuss coach, Bill Belicheck, Brady went into the Patriots’ locker room and left without his team jersey. The Texas Rangers and the Lone Star State’s Lieut. Governor, Dan Patrick, would really like to find out who took Brady’s jersey.


At game’s end, associate solitary reporter Lewis Thompson, an expert sleuth and a skilled interrogator, accosted Pence in his luxury box.


“Mr. Pence, as the recent governor of the Hoosier State, you signed Indiana’s version of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which allowed businesses to discriminate against gay people. Don’t you think that you stole their rights?”


The Defender-in-Chief of the man who lost the election to Hillary Clinton by nearly three million votes immediately went into his best polemical evangelical mode, and at the end of his tirade, Thompson asked him point blank, “You stole gay peoples’ rights to be treated with dignity. Did you steal Tom Brady’s team jersey?”


Without a word Pence escorted his wife, Karen, out of the stadium, but not before Thompson heard Pence whisper to his wife, “I better tell Mr. Trump and John Kelly at Homeland Security that Mohamed Sanu lived in Sierra Leone as a child. Sanu’s a Muslim so he is probably a real danger to our great nation."


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