Trump Demands That Congress Abolish All Lower Federal Courts


THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION, 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE NW, WASHINGTON — Earlier today, Donald Trump, throwing another hissy fit because he didn’t get his way, screamed at associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones (the only reporter in the White House press briefing room), saying “This so-called judge in Seattle is giving me more than indigestion.”


Trump was referring to US District Judge James Robart, who was nominated by Bush Two and was confirmed by ninety-nine senators in 2006. The Department of Homeland Security was not fully consulted before the big-time casino owner issued his xenophobic order.


There are 94 United States District Courts. There are approximately 3000 federal district judges and magistrates. There are thirteen federal appellate courts.


Even Trump’s Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon, didn’t want to hear his boss’ rant, but Jones is well accustomed to Trump’s tantrums.


White House Counsel Don McGahn, a veteran campaign finance attorney, whispered into Trump’s ear and told him that the Constitution requires that there be a Supreme Court and such lower courts as Congress may establish. As soon as he heard that, Trump demanded that his close personal friends, House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConell, immediately pass legislation abolishing all federal district courts and all thirteen federal appellate courts. 


Meanwhile, all 229,000 employees of the Department of Homeland Security have informed DHS Secretary John Kelly that they have resigned en masse, with none of them volunteering to protect and defend the current occupant of the White House.




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