Vladimir Putin’s investment in Donald Trump is paying him yuge dividends.
As reported in today’s Politico, Trump has released a holiday letter which he received from Putin, saying he hopes the United States and Russia will be able to “live up to” Putin’s overtures, and that “we do not have to travel an alternate path” (Putin, who does not believe in poetic justice, was not referring to Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken”).
This explains why, as diligently reported to us by associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, Putin is now frolicking on the beach at Mar-A-Lago with Melania. Because Melania grew up in Yugoslavia, she is fluent in Russian, so she happily listened to the Russian dictator as he detailed, for her, and for her ears alone, his plans for a rapprochement between the world’s two biggest nuclear powers.
“First, I will take over all of Ukraine,” Putin began (translation from Russian into English provided by your solitary reporter), “because Ukraine is part of Russia’s heartland — even Solzhenitsyn says so – and because it is very confusing for the Ukrainians to have us in control of Eastern Ukraine, when Western Ukraine has its own pusillanimous government.”
Melania, knowing how warmly her husband feels about Putin, nodded approvingly.
“Next, we will invade Poland and seize East Germany, which I used to control when I was with the KBG.”
“Slovenia, I will leave alone for the time being, because of you, dear lady.”
Melania, in her skimpiest bikini, blushed.
“I have my eye on Brooklyn, because so many Russians live there. I’m even thinking about grabbing Glendale, Colorado, for the same reason.”
Then, as the president-elect joined his newfound friend and his wife, he made a deal with Putin to put up a yuge casino in Vladivostok, with plans underway to put up a major casino and resort on Big Diomede, the easternmost place in Putinia. Big Diomede is what Sarah Palin sees from her front porch in Wasilla.