President-elect Donald Trump promised to “drain the swamp” of lobbyists in Washington, so, with great excitement, he told associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, late yesterday, in Tunis (see yesterday’s post) how pleased he is that his fired campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, is now Washington’s most prominent lobbyist.
Lewandowski lost out to Kellyanne Conway in his bid to become Counselor to the President. Knowing that he is dead meat as far as incoming White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus is concerned, Lewandowski, unabashedly trading on his ferocious loyalty to Trump, arranged a meeting between mega-billionaire Trump and Mexican mega-billionaire Carlos Slim Helu. From 2010 to 2013, Slim ranked as the wealthiest person in the world. After the Slim-Trump meeting, the soon-to-be 45th president told the world what a “fantastic guy” Slim is.
Ever alert, Jones observed the two men slapping each other on the back as they jubilantly concluded their agreement to build the Trump-Slim Wall just north of Arivaca, Arizona.
“Estoy pagando por la Pared Trump-Slim con mis miles de millones” (“I’m paying for the Trump-Slim Wall with my billions,”) Slim said.
“Sera una cosa maravillosa para nuestros dos países” (“It will be a wonderful thing for our two countries”), he continued.
Slim said he had opened his negotiation with Trump wanting to abrogate the Gadsen Purchase of 1853, which ceded 29,670 square miles of southern Arizona to the United States, including Tucson. “Pero no queria lastimar los sentimientos de los buenos residentes de Tucson” (“I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the good residents of Tucson.”
“Asi que decidí trasladar la frontera de los Estados Unidos con Mexico al norte justo de Arivaca, Arizona, que esta solamente 11 millas de norte de Sonora” (“So I decided to move the border between Mexico and the United States to just north of Arivaca, Arizona, which is only eleven miles north of Sonora.”
“No había razón para que consultará con El Presidente Enrique Pena Nieto, porque es un hombre con manos pequeñas, y sabes lo que eso significa” (“There was no reason for me to consult with President Enrique Pena Nieto, because he’s a guy with small hands, and you know what that means,” the 76 year old Slim said.
Arivaca’s mayor, Dotti Rees, who is fluent in Spanish, said she is fine with the the transfer, as long as Slim and Trump put a casino in the center of Arivaca, a quaint village of 700 Spanish-speaking souls.
Lewandowski said that losing Arivaca to Mexico is but a small price to pay to fulfill Trump’s most conspicuous campaign promise.