Trump Will Name National Enquirer's Owner As His Secretary of Commerce; Comey Is His Choice For Attorney General

On October 17, we listed Donald Trump’s choices for his Cabinet, and on October 28, we reported that Trump, the leader of the America First movement, has chosen Newt Gingrich as his Chief of Staff. Way down the list was Commerce, and we said that the logical choice to head that frequently ignored agency is Donald Trump Jr. To follow up on that, we asked associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones to interview Trump Junior about his plans to run the Department of Commerce.


Casually, Trump Junior told Jones that Commerce, with its paltry budget of $60 billion, is mere child’s play, and that he would be totally bored being in charge of government bureaucrats. Rather, he will run the worldwide Trump Empire. So we tasked ourselves with coming up with someone else to lead Commerce.


This vexing problem was swiftly solved by Jones, the most energetic of all our associate solitary reporters.


Jones read Alex Weprin’s article in yesterday’s Politico, “Report: National Enquirer bought rights to Trump affair story, but never published” ( It seems that The National Enquirer paid $150,000 to a former Playboy playmate for exclusive rights to her story about having an affair with Donald Trump, but it never published the story. Karen McDougal, Playboy’s 1998 playmate of the year, claims to have had an affair with Trump while he was married to the third Mrs. Trump. American Media Inc., which owns The National Enquirer, confirmed the payment. Trump is a friend of American Media CEO David Pecker.


As she rifled through the files of Trump’s transition director, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, she found what she had been looking for: David Pecker is the very man Trump wants to run the Department of Commerce. Christie told Jones, “Mr. Trump likes the guy's name, as it represents the most important part of his physiognomy. He has long admired the high journalistic standards of The National Enquirer. He also thinks it would be a good idea to plug some life into that moribund agency.”


Jones is attempting to reach Pecker to ask him whether he really wants the job. She is, however, having some difficulty reaching him at his home in Boca Raton, Florida, where he is furiously trying to shore up Trump’s flagging campaign in that battleground state.


On another front, associate solitary reporter Jeanne Smith has learned that, rather than choosing Alabama’s Judge Moore for his Attorney General, as we reported on October 17, Trump will name FBI Director James Comey to be the nation’s chief law enforcement officer, in gratitude for making his election possible.


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