On October 17, we reported on Donald Trump's Cabinet appointments (“Trump’s Cabinet Picks”), so it's time to let everyone know who his National Security Advisor and Chief of Staff will be.
“That’s easy,” associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones texted us earlier today. “I just spoke with Mr. Trump, and he is thrilled that Ammon Bundy was acquitted yesterday by a jury in Oregon of charges stemming from his armed occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. He wants Ammon to be his National Security Adviser.”
“Mr. Trump said that by tapping Ammon as National Security Advisor, it’s how he will fulfill his campaign promise of keeping America safe again."
“I’ve just spoken with Ammon, who has agreed, provided that Mr. Trump promises to turn over all federal lands to Ammon and the rest of the Bundy family.”
“Ammon also said he’ll consider giving some of those federal lands to a million or so of Trump’s most fervent supporters, but they’ll have to go to a Trump casino and gamble for a lottery ticket for the public lands. Only white people will be eligible for the lottery."
Next came word from associate solitary reporter Jeanne Smith. “I’ve just spoken with Kellyanne Conway, and she has confirmed that Newt Gingrich will be Mr. Trump’s Chief of Staff.”
“Conway feels that Gingrich is just the man to get along well with everybody in Washington, and he is very good at relating to women in the press such as Megyn Kelly,” Smith told us.