All Republican Voters in Bullitt County, Kentucky Will Vote for Hillary

WEST POINT, NEAR BULLITT COUNTY, KENTUCKY — As spectacularly described by Politico Magazine’s James Higdon, yesterday, at the Kentucky-famous Knob Creek Saturday night machine gun shoot, lots of flames went up, as gun enthusiasts, perfectly aware that Donald Trump is going to get shot down on November 8, vented their depression and anger by using their machine guns, trigger-happy, to destroy propane tanks, busted home appliances, old jalopies, boats, and SUVs.


On its webpage, the Knob Creek Gun Range advertises as follows: “Celebrate Diversity (Buy As Many Guns As You Can) (


Associate solitary reporter John Patmosi easily spotted Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R.-Kentucky) and the Bluegrass State’s junior senator and failed Republican presidential candidate, Rand Paul (TP-Kentucky), cavorting among the crowd with their own personal machine guns which had been gifted to them by the NRA just for the occasion. McConnell was sporting a M2 Quad-50 machine gun, while Paul was toting a US-made M240. Paul launched his upstart bid for the U.S. Senate at Knob Creek in 2009.


Then, associate solitary reporter JR Mobley, an undercover, Army-trained Democratic Party operative, spoke to all 8,500 mostly white Knob Creek machine gun enthusiasts and discovered, to his delight, that all of the Bullitt County Republicans in the crowd will vote for Hillary. Kentucky Democratic Party Chairperson Sannie Overly and Kentucky's Democratic Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes (who was defeated in 2014 by McConnell) rushed to Knob Creek to congratulate Patmosi.


Patmosi, a direct descendent of John of Patmos, the narrator of the Book of Revelation, spent most of his youth in the Cave of the Apocalypse on Patmos, a Greek island close to Turkey. But because of his ascetic habits and his brilliance in New Testament exegesis, he received a full tuition scholarship to Harvard College, after which he immediately enrolled in the Iliff School of Theology in Denver, also on a full scholarship. He became an American citizen on the same day as his graduation from Iliff.


As of press time, Second Amendment fanatic Donald Trump has no plans to visit Knob Creek or Bullitt County.


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