Doyenne of the Deplorables Demands Top Job at DHS

NEW YORK — From the balcony of her Manhattan condo, far right columnist and conservative provocateur par excellence Ann Coulter unfurled a yuge (that’s Trumpian for big) banner proclaiming herself as The Doyenne of the Deplorables. As associate solitary reporter John Jones stood by in total revulsion, Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, stood on the sidewalk in rapt admiration, texting David Duke’s thousands of deplorable supporters with photos of the banner.


Coulter appeared briefly at her balcony and shouted to Conway to tell Trump’s transition planner, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, that she insists on Trump appointing her to be the next Secretary of Homeland Security.


The super-bilious Trump is being treated at New York-Presbyterian Hospital for bile duct cancer. A spokesman for the hospital told associate solitary reporter Jim Smith that Trump will be billed for the entire cost of his surgery and subsequent rehabilitation, “especially for the harm he has done to our fair city."


Elsewhere, Trump’s running mate, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, met in Washington with two stalwart Trump opponents, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Sen. Mike Lee (TP-Utah) and tried but failed to persuade them to endorse the worst Republican presidential candidate since Warren G. Harding.


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