Trump to Acquire Breitbart News

RNC HEADQUARTERS, TRUMP TOWER — As soon as the Donald J. Trump for President Campaign announced today that it has made the second major shakeup in its top personnel, associate solitary reporter John Jones asked Hope Hicks, Trump’s chief spokesperson, whether the hiring of Stephen Bannon of Breitbart News as CEO means that Trump is purchasing Breitbart News.


“Of course he is,” Hicks said. “We are buying Stephen’s take no prisoners style of reporting, so we figured we might as well buy Breitbart in its entirety. But it will be only a minor holding of Mr. Trump's.”


“It makes no difference,” Hicks continued, "in our campaign to remake America in Mr. Trump’s image that Stephen has never run a political campaign. He’s mean, nasty, and underhanded, and that’s what we’re looking for.”


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