Trump to Naysayers: "I'm not quitting!"

RNC HEADQUARTERS, TRUMP TOWER — With all the chatter these days about RNC insiders calling on Donald Trump to quit the presidential race now that he is so far behind in the polls and has embroiled himself in so many self-inflicted political wounds (, what might we expect next out of Donald Trump’s mouth?


Your solitary reporter, always on duty, managed to penetrate Trump’s massive security operation and insert himself unobserved into a private conference between Trump and his campaign chairman, Paul Manafort.


Cutting to the chase, Manafort said, “Sir, I’m tearing my hair out and I may have to leave your campaign entirely. What are you going to do about all this talk about you quitting the race?”


Trump’s reply was swift and to the point: “You want me to bring Corey Lewandowski back? The guy’s dead meat!”


But Manafort persisted: “But what about all that chatter? Flipping on the last-minute Ryan, McCain, and Ayotte endorsements isn’t gonna help you that much.”


Trump immediately shot back: “Jesus, Paul, that’s easy! In two minutes, I’m gonna tweet that the DNC should replace Hillary with Bernie. It’s our clear path to victory.”


“And, just for being disloyal to me, you”re fired! I’ll be my own campaign manager!”


Secretly relieved, Manafort emptied his desk, walked out a free man, and was congratulated by the solitary reporter.


In New Hampshire, Sen. Kelly Ayotte, ten points behind in the polls as she seeks to keep her seat in a close contest with the Granite State’s popular governor, Democrat Maggie Hasan, told associate solitary reporter John Jones that she fears that Trump’s last-minute endorsement of her is likely to be the kiss of death.


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