How Trump Will Improve the USA's Ties with Russia

RNC HEADQUARTERS,  TRUMP TOWER — Although Donald Trump says that he gets no respect from the media, upon closer inspection, he thrives because of the constant attention which the media bestows on him. Simply because he is so given to making outrageous statements, the media follow him everywhere. The Donald and The Media feed on each other.


For example, during the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, Trump grabbed the big headlines when he said, at a news conference, that he encourages Russia to “find” thousands of Hillary Clinton’s emails.


(Trump tried to walk back from his invitation to Russia to snoop on Hillary by saying that he has nothing to do with Russia, but that’s not quite the way it is: see, which documents his extensive ties with a Russian billionaire.)


The GOP’s All-Star Entertainment Candidate did not say how Russia should accomplish the task which he set before them.


So we sent associate solitary reporter John Jones for an exclusive, highly secret meeting with Trump’s press secretary, Hope Hicks. She found herself charmed by Jones’ brashness, which mirrors the humility-denying style of her candidate.


“John, it’s really quite simple,” Hicks explained. “We’ll sell the NSA to Putin for a really high price, so the NSA can do Putin’s work for him. And with the money we get from the sale, Mr. Trump will build casino after casino, in Russia. That’s how Russia will learn to make itself great again.”


“And once he gets those emails from Hillary’s server, Putin can put Hillary in one of his gulags. That will save the US the expense of incarcerating her.”


Jones hurried back to help us compile this report as we await Hillary’s acceptance speech this evening.



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