Brazil Cancels 2016 Olympics

BRASILIA — Donald Trump rarely reads The New York Times, especially since that bastion of sensible journalism has already condemned the mega-billionaire’s doomed presidential campaign; but today, he miraculously managed to read Vanessa Barbara’s article, “Brazil’s Olympic Catastrophe.”


In her article, Ms. Barbara tactfully reports that the State of Rio de Janeiro has declared a state of public calamity. Governor Luiz Fernando Pezao announced that the financial crisis is so severe that it could eventually bring about “a total collapse in public security, health, education, mobility, and environmental management.” The authorities are now authorized to ration essential public services, and the State of Rio de Janeiro is eligible for emergency funds from the federal government. The Games are slated to begin thirty-two days from now, and workers purportedly engaged in construction work seem to think that the Olympics will not be held until well after Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes the next leader of the free world.


Pezao explained to a solitary reporter that no help will come from President Dilma Rousseff, because she has been suspended from her duties pending her impeachment trial.


Pezao also told the solitary reporter, “And Acting President Michel Miguel Elias Temer Lula won’t help either. He feels that Dilma left him out in the cold after she tapped him to be her vice president. He’ll be our next president once Dilma is convicted."


Knowing that the solitary reporter is an American, Governor Pezao asked him, “Do you think that Donald Trump could help?”


But the solitary reporter impatiently explained that in 2011, Trump made a paltry 4.2 billion dollars; but then the solitary reporter said, “Governor, The Donald could build some really nice casinos to replace the crumbling Olympic beach volleyball arena on Copacabana."


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