DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA — Yesterday, one week after Hillary clinched the nomination, she won the Washington DC primary, which Bernie had been expected to win.
As a solitary reporter watched, Mrs. Clinton told excited Clinton loyalists at her victory party, “Hey, folks, this is great! I spent eight years right down the street at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and Bill and I have a beautiful home here in our Nation’s Capital. There’s nothing quite so great as winning at home!”
Immediately afterward, Hillary and Bernie — who has yet to concede — held a highly-anticipated meeting at the Capital Hilton. The solitary reporter attended that meeting.
Hillary told Bernie, “Bernie, I am so sorry that Barack — according to apocryphalpress.com’s June 10 edition — is sending you to Jerusalem as our ambassador. I just got off the phone with the president, and I am happy to tell you that I immediately persuaded him to cancel that appointment. You don’t have to go to Jerusalem, especially since you didn’t want to go there anyway.”
“Bill and I are giving you and Jane front row seats in our campaign bus as you and I tour the country together. With your gracious help, Bernie, we are gonna win all eleven crucial swing states, including Colorado, so Bill and I can proudly walk back into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue — on January 20!”
Bernie smiled and politely asked Hillary to pay him at least $15 an hour for helping her win in November.