QUITO – Here in Ecuador’s capital, President Rafael Correa, made an important announcement today. A solitary reporter was in the audience.
Fully aware that a major political party in the United States is highly perplexed about what to do with its presumptuous nominee, Correa said that Ecuador has made arrangements for Donald Trump to stay indefinitely in the Galapagos Islands.
Correa has read Temples of Chance: How America Inc. Bought Out Murder Inc. to Win Control of the Casino Business, by David Johnston. Johnston has covered Trump off and on for twenty-seven years years, and during that time he has encountered multiple threads linking the Manhattan mega-billionaire to organized crime.
Attorney General Loretta Lynch has also read Johnston’s book, and she and Ecuador’s top prosecutor, José Serrano, have worked out the necessary arrangements to keep Trump in a place where he cannot be particularly harmful, unless to young women whose bodies he craves.
Associate solitary reporter John Jones has been in close communication with RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, who, despite his public statements, knows full well that Trump will drag the GOP down so far that it will never recover. So Priebus, with considerable help from House Speaker Paul Ryan and Lynch’s Organized Crime Strike Force, made a hush-hush deal with Correa to house Trump permanently in the Galapagos. There, according to Africa Berdonces, the 30-year-old newly named director of the Galapagos National Park, Trump will be kept in a cage with the blue footed boobies, which are often admired by the thousands of tourists who flock to the Galapagos every year.
Michelle Fields, the former Breitbart reporter who was assaulted by Trump’s campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, last March, and who has recently been hired by The Huffington Post with a special assignment to cover Trump, is thrilled about the fact that she will be able at long last to visit the Galapagos. And she is even more thrilled that since Trump will be in a cage, he will be unable to hit on her. This is pleasing to both Ms. Fields, who is 28, and to Ms. Berdonces.
Reached in her swank apartment in Trump Tower, Trump’s 46 year-old wife, Melania, a native of Novo Mesto, Slovenia, expressed pleasure with Correa’s announcement. “Donald is almost 70, you know, so I’m happy to stay here in Manhattan with Barron.”