Trump Fires Manafort, Resurrects Lewandowski, Tries But Fails To Hire Solitary Reporter

INDIANAPOLIS – Why is Donald Trump even bothering to be here today, after winning five out of five yesterday (Nutmeg State, First State, First Line State, Keystone State, Ocean State)?


The answer is simple: the man (by his own reckoning, an extraordinarily virile man) would fall off the rails if he did not have at least five rallies every day with adoring, sycophantic fans, policed by the bikers who toss out anyone who even faintly resemble a protester.


Yesterday, celebrating his victories, Trump walked back against the talk, recently propagated by his strategist, Paul Manafort, that Donald will, in the twinkling of an eye, become “more presidential.”


Reminding everybody who is not interested that he got “this far” by snarling, whining, and bringing out the worst in everybody, the mega-billionaire has decided to resurrect his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, you know, the guy who is at his best when he assaults reporters.


So immediately after firing Manafort — who has held top jobs for Republican presidential candidates beginning with Gerald Ford – the big-time casino builder is now even considering hiring a solitary reporter.


How could that be?


“That’s not too difficult, really, if you stop to think about it,” Trump explained to nobody in particular. “There are way more Democrats in the voting population than there are Republicans. In order to whip Hillary’s ass, I’m gonna need a lot of help from a proven Democratic Party activist.”


Although this is very hard to believe, the solitary reporter was quick to put an end to Trump’s dream.


“I’d much rather stay home and continue to report on the political news that didn’t happen,” the solitary reporter explained to his associate solitary reporter, John Jones.


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