Trump Demands That Lynch Sue Cruz and Kasich Under The Antitrust Laws

TRUMP TOWER, MANHATTAN — Yesterday, Donald Trump’s only two remaining opponents in the race for the White House struck a deal in a last-minute attempt to deny the mega-billionaire the GOP presidential nomination.


Under their agreement, Ohio Gov. John Kasich will “yield” Indiana to Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas), while Cruz will “allow” Kasich to prevail in Oregon and New Mexico.


Indiana votes on May 3, while Oregon voters will cast their ballots on May 17. Voters in New Mexico have to wait until June 7.


Can anybody guess what Trump’s reaction was?


After Trump exploded in apoplexy, ranting that the Cruz-Kasich alignment amounts to further evidence of a rigged process designed only to exclude him from the presidency, Cruz captured the moment perfectly by saying, “That’s what Donald does: he whines.”


With a solitary reporter looking on, Trump demanded that Attorney General Loretta Lynch file an antitrust suit against Cruz and Kasich.


“I’m a businessman,” Trump bellowed, “and I sure as hell know what a collusion in restraint of trade is.”


“Kay-Sitch (here, Trump deliberately mispronounced the Buckeye State’s governor’s name) and Lyin’ Ted are like two peas in a pod, because all they want to do is keep me from making America great again."


In an aside to the solitary reporter, not picked up by anybody’s microphone, Trump said, “Come to think of it, SR, Lynch should sue the RNC on my behalf as well, since those bozos, especially Priebus, are just as bad."


Write a comment

Comments: 0