Cat Fight Between Melania and Heidi?

WAUKESHA, WISCONSIN – The GOP establishment, courtesy of Mitt Romney, Lindsey Graham, Jeb!, and, quite possibly, Wisconsin Gov.Scott Walker – all of whom have wanted to be president but didn’t quite make it — is now, strange as it may seem, coalescing around Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas), the most unpopular member of the Senate Republican Caucus, as the only viable alternative to Donald Trump. This is because they are extraordinarily anxious about the distinct possibility that with Trump as their nominee, the GOP will certainly lose the election to Hillary, who has smarts, savior faire, experience, and immense political savvy, to say nothing of the fact that her husband (remember Bill?) remains immensely popular with the Democratic base.


Yesterday, CNN interviewed Heidi Nelson Cruz, Ted Cruz’ wife, outside the TrustTed office here. Heidi Cruz met her husband working on Bush Two’s successful presidential campaign in 2000. In 1995, she received a Masters of European Business from the Université libre de Bruxelles in Brussels. She has an MBA from Harvard. As a youth, she lived in Africa with her missionary parents.


After Cruz resoundingly won Utah on Tuesday, with The Donald conspicuously in third place after Ohio Gov. Jon Kasich, Trump threatened to “spill the beans” on Heidi Cruz. Part of the credit for Cruz’ victory in the Beehive State consisted of a skillful anti-Trump ad consisting of an old GQ photo shoot showing nude supermodel Melania Knauss before she became Melania Trump. Melania (born Melanija Knavs, in Slovenia) is Trump’s third wife. Melania speaks five languages including, most notably, Trumpian. When she, obviously an immigrant, is not campaigning with her husband on his never-ending campaign to build Trump’s Wall, she promotes her Melania Skin Care Collection, which includes her Melania Caviar Complexe C6. But Cruz, after reading Trump’s threatening Tweet about spilling the beans about Heidi, immediately shot back, saying that if Trump follows such a course, it will prove that The Donald is a mere coward (as opposed to being a mere dipshit). 


Wisconsin’s GOP presidential primary, on April 5, will likely determine whether the Republicans nominate Bible thumper Ted Cruz, or thrice married casino magnate Donald Trump.


All this raises the distinct possibility of a major, shall we say, cat fight between the two wives.


So it was entirely necessary for a solitary reporter to visit Waukesha, where he hoped to film an exclusive interview with Heidi Cruz.


Much to his surprise, Heidi slammed the door on the solitary reporter, escorting him out with a well-known digital gesture.


Partially forlorn, the solitary reporter then took a redeye flight to LaGuardia, and from there he walked to Trump Tower to interview the famous supermodel.


As he deferentially approached Mrs. Trump speaking fluent Slovenian, Melania, immediately sensing that the solitary reporter has a thin skin, threw several cases of her patented Melania Caviar Complexe C6 at him.


So the solitary reporter returned to Wisconsin, having altogether forgotten about the possibility of a cat fight between Mrs. Trump and Mrs. Cruz.


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