ON THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN TRAILS– Hillary won in Nevada, the Silver State, because Nevada Dems didn’t want to gamble on a 74-year-old geezer.
In South Carolina, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) proclaimed victory after coming in third, after Donald Trump and Sen. Marco Rubio (TP-Florida).
Jeb! bowed out graciously, and then Rubio said nice things about him (hoping, of course, to attract Jeb’s money — if there’s any left — and Jeb!’s supporters). Jeb’s wife, Columba, shed tears of happiness, because she was not looking forward to any more campaigning, and because she prefers living in Miami to living in the White House.
When politely questioned by a solitary reporter, Jeb said he plans to spend more time with his family. Our associate solitary reporter, Jim Smith, asked the former Florida governor whether he intends to go to the beach, to let it all hang out; but Jeb’s prompt reply to Smith was to the effect that he does not want to be attacked by a blacktip shark, since hundreds of them have been observed offshore recently around Florida’s beaches.
Trump ungraciously said nothing nice about Jeb, a point noted by former Obama aide and CNN Commentator Van Jones.
Instead of going straight to Nevada ahead of the GOP caucus vote there on Tuesday, Trump, with his Slovenian supermodel third wife, Melania, went straight to Arivaca, Arizona in his private plane. Arivaca, 60 miles southwest of Tucson, is 11 miles north of the border with Sonora. Trump was greeted at the Arivaca International Airport by a band of Freemasons, and began rounding up hard-working folks, mostly men, who are not supposed to be in the United States. Carrying an enormous banner celebrating the Second Amendment, Trump, carrying, as well, a submachine gun, with the NRA’s top gunslinger, Wayne LaPierre, at his side, ordered the illegals, under the supervision of the Freemasons, to begin constructing Trump’s Wall. “Make it 20 feet high,” Trump yelled, unable to say it in Spanish.
At RNC headquarters, Reince Priebus, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Speaker Paul Ryan huddled and devised a strategy to talk Ohio Gov. Jon Kasich into quitting the race. Their playbook will include informing every Republican primary voter in the Deep South not not to TrustTed.
Ben Carson, who came in sixth in South Carolina, left The Palmetto State, the first state to secede from the Union in 1861, in a hurry, lest he be lynched by the Ku Klux Klan. He was spotted by another of our fearless associate solitary reporters, John Jones, at Grace Evangelical Church in Las Vegas. There, he was greeted by Pastor I.V. Binsavd, who offered him the keys to the Kingdom, and began plotting a strategy to win the Silver State for the evangelical neurosurgeon.