Bloomberg Picks Fiorina As His Running Mate



Moments after The New York Times revealed that mega-billionaire Michael Bloomberg has formed a brain trust to explore a presidential candidacy, Bloomberg was observed in the middle of Times Square by a solitary reporter.


“Mr. Mayor,” the solitary reporter asked, pretending to be a brusque New Yorker defying a blizzard, “Now that you’re running for president if Bernie wins Iowa and New Hampshire, and since everybody knows that it’s either Trump or Cruz for the Republicans, who will your running mate be?”


Not skipping a beat, Bloomberg said, “Young man, that’s easy. Carly Fiorina is a pro-life woman and is from California, so we’d have geographical balance. I’ll win easily because everybody knows that Donald Trump is a fraud and Ted Cruz is a nut case pretending to be a patriot, so with Carly on the ticket, I appeal to the pro-lifers. Case closed.”


Our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, contacted Fiorina’s campaign manager, Frank Sadler, who said that Bloomberg’s choice is very prudent, given that his candidate won’t last past the New Hampshire primary and that the best that she could have hoped for in a Trump Administration would be Secretary of Commerce, but that Trump would never pick her for that post because she was fired from her job as CEO of Hewlett-Packard. 


Ever persistent, Thompson contacted Fiorina herself, who said she will be happy to take the job since she is taller than the diminutive mayor and thus she will be able more readily to supervise him. But when Thompson reminded Fiorina that Bloomberg is an ardent advocate of sensible gun control, and that, as a Republican, she is required to support the NRA and the rest of the gun lobby without question, Fiorina paused and said, “Oh well, I’ll duck and weave and smile and remind everybody that I’m not Hillary, and, besides, I’m a whole lot better than McCain’s pick for Veep in 2008." 




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