Trump: "I'll testify in support of Bill Cosby"

CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA – Campaigning on behalf of his Narcissistic Party to take over these here disUnited States, Donald Trump, desperately trying to attract African American voters to his soon to be doomed, quixotic effort, shouted, “Those charges against my close personal friend Bill Cosby are total bullshit.” His words were recorded by a solitary reporter.


Congressman Jim Clyburn (D.-SC), the Assistant Minority Leader In the US House Of Representatives, was in the audience looking on as Trump continued, “I am the meanest, smartest, most tough-ass SOB ever to run for president, and I am an even better entertainer than Bill Cosby ever was. Everybody who loves television loves me. All the women in America love me, and all the women in America hate Hillary. Whenever the authorities in Pennsylvania get around to putting Bill Cosby on trial, I will be there, testifying for him, and he is certain to be acquitted.”


“Ask my wife, Melania, anything you want. She will tell you that I have never been divorced. This will make it easier for me to convince the jury in Pennsylvania that Bill Cosby has never fooled around either.”


As he left Trump’s event, our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, asked Clyburn (who served as the first minority advisor to a South Carolina Governor, beginning in 1971) whether Trump can persuade enough African American voters in South Carolina that he is not a racist, Clyburn laughed uproariously, and told Thompson that that was the funniest question that he had been asked in his thirty-six years in politics. 


But Cosby, ever quick-witted, immediately ran for cover when the solitary reporter told him that Trump supports him. “Before you told me that, SR,” Cosby said, “I thought I had a chance, but now I’m sunk. This totally sucks.”


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