TRUMP TOWER — Earlier today, Donald Trump, still clinging to the lead in the polls, said that because of the Parisian massacres five days ago, all mosques in the United States should be closed.
He also told a solitary reporter that he will convert all those closed mosques into Trump Casinos. “I can do that whether or not I am elected President – and I will definitely be elected — but it will be easier once I have the power of the presidency in my own splendid grasp.”
Trump’s closest nemesis, Ben Carson, immediately attacked Trump for being “completely mercenary and narcissistic and extremely anti-Christian.” From Florida, Jeb, struggling to stay in the race, reminded Republican activists that he summarily vetoed one of Trump’s casino projects in the Sunshine State. Marco Rubio, for his part, said that he would physically prevent Trump from building a casino in Cuba. President Obama, reminding Trump that he is a Christian and not a Muslim, said that thousands of Syrian refugees whom he is welcoming to the United States will “absolutely” be guaranteed the right to build new mosques.
Melania Trump, The Donald’s supermodel Slovenian wife, pushed back against all these negative comments directed against her husband. Melania told our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, that she is entitled to sell her high-end jewelry anywhere she wants, especially in mosques converted into Trump Casinos.