Jeb!'s Done

MILWAUKEE –  Here at the Milwaukee Theater, eight GOP presidential wannabes took the stage this evening, after Fat Chris and The Rev. Mike Huckabee were relegated to the undercard debate, which actually was a debate, unlike the usual shouting match at the beauty pageant masking as a presidential debate, in the main event.

Interrupter-in-Chief John Kasich said he is the governor of Ohio. Quasi-isolationist Rand Paul spoke against a no-fly zone over Syria. Carly Fiorina mentioned, in passing, that she used to be a business executive. Donald Trump behaved himself, in a manner of speaking, which isn’t saying much. Ben Carson expressed gratitude for not having to repeat verbatim what one of his 10th grade teachers might or might not have said to him. Ted Cruz puffed even larger than usual and said that his father came from Cuba. Marco Rubio also said that his father came from Cuba.

Giving yet another lackluster performance, the man who wanted to be Bush Three left the stage and went to his dressing room, where he told his wife, Columba, “Yo renuncio. I quit. I am tired of being compared to my warmonger brother and my nice man father. I’m tired of being harassed by Donald Trump. I’m an introvert. I’m going back home to Miami and make a lot more money.” A solitary reporter offered pastoral care to the Bushes, but Jeb, angry and ashamed, declined on the ground that the solitary reporter is not a Catholic priest.

Into this tender scene leapt Rubio, saying “Hola bro! Gane! Persiste! Voy a ver el primer cubano presidente de los Estados Unidos!"

Columba told Rubio that he is a sore winner and consoled Jeb and said she never wanted him to run for president in the first place.

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