Peace Is Restored in East Asia

SINGAPORE – Yesterday’s meeting here between Taiwan’s president, Ma Ying-jeou, and China’s president, Xi Jinping, was indeed historic, but, as usual, the mainstream media failed to report what actually happened. That was left to a solitary reporter.

As Xi and Ma and their entourages met, the solitary reporter, posing as a fly, watched closely as North Korea’s boy dictator, Kim Jong-un, and South Korea’s president, Park Geun-hye, surreptitiously entered the conference room at the Shangri-La Hotel, from opposite directions.

Neither Xi nor Ma noticed that the two Korean leaders had arrived.

After Xi stated very plainly that all of the South China Sea belongs to the Middle Kingdom, President Ma, whose Kuomintang Party, the party of Chiang Kai-shek, is likely to be defeated in Taiwan's January elections, vociferously demurred. Ma, an S.J.D. from Harvard Law school (1981), passed a note to an aide asking that he be reminded to call Secretary of State John Kerry during a break, to demand that the US increase its patrols of the Formosa Strait between China and Taiwan. “Ask Kerry,” Ma instructed the aide, "for a whole lot of construction equipment, so we can start building islands in the South China Sea just as our ‘friends' from the mainland are doing.”

But after Kim and Park attacked each other, all hell broke loose.

Kim brandished a pistol, while Miss Park, dressed in the traditional Korean hanbok, or flowing dress, was accompanied by numerous American military police, who were about to pounce on Kim when Miss Park yelled at them, saying “I can handle this!”

There  was not enough drama in this setting, so Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe vaulted in with an ancient samurai sword. Abe has been seeking to revise or broaden the interpretation of Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution in order to permit Japan to maintain de jure military forces.

Endeavoring temporarily to shed his reputation as an anti-pacifist, Abe interposed himself between Miss Park and Kim, and order was promptly restored. Xi and Ma shook hands after Xi promised to visit Taiwan and offer it complete independence.

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