How Cruz and Tancredo Will Secure Our Borders


LAKEWOOD, COLORADO — Tom Tancredo — former Republican Congressman, former GOP presidential candidate (2008) and former American Constitution Party gubernatorial candidate for governor of Colorado (2010) — has left the Republican Party. Read all about it: Tancredo is on his way to western Iowa, headed to an annual pheasant hunt that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) plans to attend. When he ran for president in 2008, Tancredo was best known for his strident anti-illegal immigration stance.

Today, in preparation for Halloween, in an exclusive interview with a solitary reporter, Tancredo confided, “SR, that story by John Frank in the Denver Post is only partly true.”

“Today is Halloween, and you, as a benighted and extremely muddleheaded Democrat, are the first to know, and I want you to tell the entire world through your blog: I have re-established The American Party.”

(The Native American Party, which virulently opposed the immigration to the United States of Irish and German Catholics in the 1850s, was renamed The American Party in 1855. Parts of the American Party were semi-secret, and when a member was asked about its activities, he was supposed to reply, “I know nothing.” Outsiders call them “Know-Nothings,” and the name stuck.

Continuing on, Tancredo then proceeded to explain, in exhausting detail, why he has left the Republican Party and, in particular, why he is devoting all his redoubtable energies into convincing unaffiliated (read: independent) voters in Colorado, and across the land of the free and the home of the  brave, to vote for Ted Cruz for president. 

“SR, you may recall that Ted is a summa cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School.”

The solitary reporter moaned, saying “Yes, dammit, I am well aware of that. The Admissions Office at HLS perpetrated a huge fraud on the American public when they let Ted in.”

Jeff Roe, Cruz’ campaign manager, told our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, that Cruz will “most definitely” tap Tancredo to be his running mate, once Cruz secures the Republican nomination for president.

“Then Ted will close the door on all immigrants, legal or illegal,” Roe whispered in Thompson’s ear.

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