WASHINGTON — After the GOP establishment, which desperately wants Jeb to take out Donald (“The Rump”) Trump, forced Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker out of the presidential race on Monday, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) is mighty fearful that his head will go on the political chopping block next.
So, moments ago, Cruz told our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, that Pope Francis should be deported, thus aborting the Pope’s first ever visit to the United States.
“Lewis,” Cruz said, at the beginning of his daily rant against All Things Bright And Beautiful, “the man hates capitalism! Therefore he must be a Communist!”
After a solitary reporter repeated Cruz’ remarks to the Vatican's spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, Lombardi said, “I am so disappointed to hear that, SR. Ted Cruz purports to be a Baptist, and you know those Southern Baptists, they always carry their Bibles around everywhere. Ted Cruz should read the Gospels, especially Matthew 25: 31-46.”
Continuing his tirade, Cruz began picketing the White House, trying to taunt President Obama to instruct his Secretary of Homeland Security, Jeh Johnson, to arrest Francis in the middle of the papal mass on Friday and send him back either to the Vatican or, better yet, Argentina.
But the Swiss Guard immediately formed a phalanx around His Holiness, and the mass, to be attended by hundreds of thousands of people, will proceed as scheduled.
Later in the day, an operative for Trump heard through the grapevine about Cruz’ idea, and Trump immediately stole Cruz’ thunder.
“Ted,” Trump yelled through the telephone at the junior senator from Texas, “you are stupider even than our Muslim president Barack, but for once I have to give you credit. Tomorrow I will have my goons pick up Francis, take him to my gaudiest casino to tempt him, and then my own personal Trump aircraft will take him to Venezuela, where they really believe in Socialism, but there’s one catch: you and Bernie Sanders are going with him.”
At this, Cruz, who basked in the limelight when he managed to persuade Trump to keynote his rally on the west steps of the United States Capitol (attended by a paltry few) to protest President Obama’s sensible nuclear deal with Iran, was deeply hurt, and he begged forgiveness of The Donald, and meekly boarded Trump’s plane, hoping to convince the Pope to endorse his presidential campaign.