ON THE GOP PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN TRAIL — After Fox News’ Roger Ailes’ minions announced the who’s in, who’s out for its primetime Thursday evening extravaganza, a solitary reporter encountered a depressed Rick Perry, desperately looking for Charles and David Koch.

A spokesman for Perry, confidentially acknowledging his boss’ huge setback, whispered into the solitary reporter’s ear, “Maybe we should secede after all.”

“SR,” the spokesman said, “we were run over by Chris Christie, it’s as simple as that.”

Associate solitary reporter Bridget Walsh asked Perry which cabinet agencies he plans to eliminate if he is elected president.

Peering through his presumably intelligent-looking glasses, the former Texas governor told Walsh that if he were the Mayor of Denver, he would eliminate Denver’s Department of Parks and Recreation and turn all Denver’s parks, especially City Park, over to developers.

Perry, who finished 11th in Fox News’s sweepstakes, will join Carly Fiorina, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Jim Gilmore, Rick Santorum, and Lindsey Graham for the also-ran event, which will be broadcast at 5 PM EST.

Perry, under indictment in Texas for abuse of power, told the solitary reporter that if he had made the prime time supershow, he would be bringing with him twenty-eight Texas Rangers (The Lone Star State was the 28th State admitted to these here United States, under expansionist president James K Polk, a fave of Jeb), to protect himself against The Donald.

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