July 26, 2015

ON THE GOP PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN TRAIL — At 6%, according to Fox News, Mike Huckabee is trailing Donald Trump in the polls. Trump is ahead of everybody, including Jeb.

Huckabee, a Baptist preacher and the former governor of Arkansas, gave an interview earlier today to Breitbart News.

“This president’s foreign policy is the most feckless in American history,” Huckabee said in the Breitbart interview. “It is so naïve that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.”

Huckabee’s allusion to the Holocaust was not lost on the interviewer.

A solitary reporter was an unseen observer during the interview. The solitary reporter noticed that as the 2008 Republican presidential candidate was uttering those words, he had to consult the Book of Daniel, to make sure that he was following the apocalyptic views of the Southern Baptists.

During the interview, Huckabee was silently speedreading Daniel 3:19-30, in which Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Israelites subject to the whims of the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar, were tossed into King Nebuchadnezzar’s fiery furnace for defying the king. Nebuchadnezzar was so infuriated by the willful disobedience of the three Israelites that he ordered the furnace to be heated up seven times more than was customary. But the three loyal Israelites walked out of the fiery furnace unscathed.

As Huckabee was reacquainting himself with that text from the Hebrew Bible, the solitary reporter noticed that suddenly Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu stood at Huckabee’s side, and announced to the former governor, “Reverend, you are even more courageous than Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. You are standing up to Obama, who is even more evil than Nebuchadnezzar. So you have my endorsement. I guarantee that you will have an immediate uptick in the polls, and will quickly surpass Trump.”

“Don’t worry about Trump. My Mosad will be capturing him tomorrow morning, and then we will immediately induct him into the Israeli Army.”

“That will make up for The Donald’s failure to volunteer to defend his own country during the Vietnam War."

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