July 22, 2015

ENGLEWOOD, COLORADO — Ever since he arrived here in the Centennial State on March 15, 2012, to serve a 14 year sentence for trying to sell then President-Elect Barack Obama’s Senate seat, Rod Blagojevich has been tweeting a solitary reporter (who is a retired Protestant chaplain) for spiritual advice.

It turns out, of course, that Blago, a manipulative inmate if there ever was one, wanted the solitary reporter to make special arrangements for his hairstylist in Chicago to come to his residence here at the Federal Correctional Institution, a low security prison camp, or to spring him altogether so he could rejoin his wife Patti, the daughter of one of Chicago’s most powerful Aldermen, Richard Mell, with whom he, Blago, has frequently quarreled.

Yesterday (the same day that President Obama made a completely convincing case as to why Congress should unanimously approve his deal with Iran on Jon Stuart's The Daily Show), the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago sustained five (out of eighteen) specific grounds for Blago’s appeal. Gov. Blagojevich wanted a Cabinet job in exchange for appointing Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett to the vacant Senate seat. Blago appointed Roland Burris, who served less than two years before a successor, Republican Mark Kirk, was elected in 2010. Before appointing Burris, Gov. Blagojevich gave serious consideration to appointing Oprah, after realizing how important she was in electing Barack.

In its ruling, the appeals court pointed to assertions that President Eisenhower named California’s governor, Earl Warren, to the US Supreme Court after Warren offered Eisenhower key political support during the 1952 presidential campaign. The judges said that under the logic used to charge Blagojevich, Eisenhower and Warren might have been convicted.

“If the [Blagojevich] prosecutor is right, and a swap of political favors involving a job for one of the politicians is a felony, then… both President Eisenhower and Chief Justice Warren should’ve gone to prison,” Judge Frank Easterbrook said.

After reading those words, Karl Rove, The Architect of Bush Two’s victory over then-Sen. Jon Kerry in 2004, immediately called RNC Chairman Reince Priebus to tell him that all of Earl Warren’s controversial rulings, including Brown v. Board of Education, and many others, must be immediately overturned by Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Kennedy, Alito, Scalia, and Scalia’s twin judicial brother, Clarence Thomas.

“I’ll get right on it, Karl,” Priebus said.

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