SANTA CRUZ, BOLIVIA — Yesterday, after embracing Bolivia’s fiery president, Evo Morales, Pope Francis, in an hour-long homily, had a few words to say about the great virtues of capitalism:

“And behind all this pain, death and destruction there is the stench of what Basil of Caesarea, one of the Church’s first theologians, called 'the dung of the devil.’ And unfettered pursuit of money rules. That is the dung of the devil.”

Francis went on to say “Working for a just distribution of the fruits of the earth and human labor is not mere philanthropy. It is a moral obligation… It is a commandment.”

It’s the Argentinian pope’s second visit to Latin America.

Fascinated by this discourse, a solitary reporter then listened intently as the Holy Father said, “There is one person running for president of the United States who agrees with me on these issues.”

“His name is Bernie Sanders. Bernie, a son of Abraham, has expressed admiration for me, and I, in turn, admire him.”

A few Republican Catholics were, however, inclined to disagree with Francis.

For example, GOP presidential wannabe Rick Santorum trailed behind the solitary reporter, scooping up the dung. Santorum plans to bring the dung to Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney’s running mate last time around and the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee.

Our associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, has learned that once Ryan receives the dung, he will send it to Vice President Joe Biden, a fellow religionist. As of press time, Biden had given firm instructions to his security detail to refuse the offer.

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